the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
