if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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