I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
