my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
