I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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