I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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