Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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