Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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