I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
