You can't motorboat a personality
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
