By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
