i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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