I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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