i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
