Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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