Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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