mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
