wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
