dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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