No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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