the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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