Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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