Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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