To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
