I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
