First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
