My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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