youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
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I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
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IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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