I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
