You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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