i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
