He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
