I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
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I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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