my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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