I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
