3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
