i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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