Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
