Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
