found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
