Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
