My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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