also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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