I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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