we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
