Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
