Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
