Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
