I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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