I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
