So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Sorry about my life...
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
