You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
