Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
