something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
