I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
