I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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