the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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