guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
