best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Randomize
