I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am midnight drunk by noon
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
