Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I love you. Go after that dick
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
