i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
