dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
