there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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