I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
