Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
