youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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